Well here we are again. Yesterday was CD30 for me and also the last day my doctor was working until she went on a little mini vacation. I called her to let her know I hadn't started yet and was looking for some direction. She asked me to come in, even though I hadn't started my period yet. Just to check things out.
Us ladies with PCOS are notorious for developing large cysts after using fertility meds. If I had anything of the sort, we would need to cancel the upcoming cycle. Using fertility meds could cause a cyst to rupture and that can lead to the loss of an ovary. She needed to check under the hood and make sure I was a-ok before clearing me for another cycle of injects. I took the long drive up to Portland for my 1:30 appointment. Went in and got started with the ultrasound. Shocker... Exam room 1. I went in, did the usual undress and wait. She came in and said my lining was thick (normal for the end of cycle where AF hadn't started yet) and then moved to my ovaries. To my luck. Both ovaries clear! 12 small eggs (follicles) in each ovary. Just like last cycle.
We had a nice little talk about last cycle. She said she had really high hopes and was really disappointed and shocked that it didn't work out. She then told me she wanted to mirror my last cycle since I responded so well and hope for the same amount of Follicles with a BFP (big fat positive) home pregnancy test at the end of it. Honestly our talk made me feel a lot better. She helped me feel like I wasn't a lost cause, which after seventeen cycles of trying (and failing) is an inevitable feeling. Hope is like gold in the infertility world. She helped me get just a little bit of that back. She also told me that if injects/IUI is going to work. It will within the first four cycles. So that deadline stung and gave me a harsh reality. But, I like to be prepared and gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not sure after three more cycles of this, if I would have the strength to keep going anyways.
Dan and I talked about it and I'm sure many more discussions will come up in the next few months. In January our insurance changes and these cycles will start costing us a fortune. Our infertility coverage cuts in half and I don't think we can handle that financial burden right now. Our fourth cycle is up in January. So it's good timing. We don't have the money for IVF and frankly I don't want to risk scraping up all our extra pennies for a procedure that has no guarantee of working. Come January if we still aren't pregnant. We will be moving onto trying to adopt. I realize now that adoption can be equally as costly, but the guarantee is there. There are also: Grants, Tax credits, and financing available to help with the cost of adopting. I have a meeting with the CEO of my workplace next week, who just adopted. Hear her story of adoption and get some tools and information of where to start and what to expect.
Although deep in my heart, I pray every day and night for one of these last three cycles to work. I still have hope and so does Dr. Chang. I just like to have a back-up plan.
My period finally came late last night. Making today CD1. I start my injections tomorrow on CD2 at 100IU. I will have four nights of injections before my next ultrasound on Wednesday afternoon. Hoping for things to go as smoothly as they did last month. We are leaving on a "honeymoon" cruise on the 31st. So for right now the timing is working out perfectly. We will finish our IUI a few days before leaving and do my BETA blood test to see if it worked the day we get off the ship (13dpIUI). As we all know, If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans. I gotta try though!
One last note to a rather long post:
I lost my Grandmother on Wednesday. So this has been a really hard and terrible week. Finding out we failed our first IUI on Monday and then her passing. The world lost a bright shining light that night. I know that God has better plans for her. I'm glad she is no longer hurting and watching down on us all smiling. I hope to live my life in a way she can be proud of and be the kind of caring person that she was. I love you Grandma. I'll miss you always.
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