To my Sweet Pea,
Every day I long for the day I can finally hold you in my arms. I pray for you every night before I fall asleep. "Dear Lord, I don't know where my Sweet Pea is tonight. Or if he/she has even been born yet. As long as this road feels for me, I can only imagine how each night passes for my little Sweet Pea. Waiting for their mom and dad to sweep her/him up and hold them tight. To never let them go. Give them patience and calm their hearts knowing we are here waiting to bring them home."
Your dad and I have had a hard road to get to where we are now. Many tears have been shed and many more to come. Every tear that falls and how my heart breaks missing you, I know it will be worth it...... When I watch your dad hold you, kiss you, and make you laugh. When you take your first steps and shoot your first basketball. When I can tuck you into bed and stand in your bedroom doorway for a little while watching you sleep.
I miss you everyday you aren't with us. I can't comprehend why life has to be so hard sometimes. I hope that these lessons are preparing me for when you feel like life is just too hard. I can hold your hand and tell you that God has a plan in the darkest times. That you are proof of that plan and he will never give us more than we can handle.
I love you more than I could ever put into words. I am so lucky to be your mom, whenever that may be.
I want you to be funny and confident like your father. It seems no matter how far along in life you are, there is always someone who wants to tear you down. You can be and do whatever you set your mind to. We will always be there to support you and cheer you on. Be a hard worker and don't do the bare minimum. I want you to respect others and show kindness, it goes a long way in a world where common courtesy isn't often shown. I want you to be organised and clean like me, don't worry if these things seem boring and are a last priority at first. You should have seen my first apartment! I hope I can show you all the things you want to learn and that we are the kind of parents that you want to be someday. I'm sure if your dad was writting this he would want me to add a love for basketball, Nike and a huge Jordan shoe collection. Patriot pride, and of course the Oregon Ducks. We love you and are counting down the days until we can bring you home.
Love always and Forever,
Your Mommy
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Our Adoption Begining
It all started a few months ago when I had a meeting with a co-worker who recently adopted through a private agency about an hour and a half away. The meeting to say the least, REALLY overwhelmed me. I could barely make it past the office doors before tears started rolling down my cheeks. The process seemed so long, expensive, and honestly judgmental.
Infertility has its own battle inside of me, of weather or not God wants me to be a parent, why can't I have children? Yet, all of these other seemingly unfit people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Now I need to write a bio and a "letter" showing us off as a couple and a family waiting for someone to think that we are worthy of their baby. Not to mention the price tag of 20+ grand, which at this time in our lives is an impossible number. To us 20grand is almost two years of house payments and two years of me being able to stay home full time and raise our kids instead of having them in daycare. Just to get our baby..... Overwhelmed is an understatement.
After two more failed cycles of injections and IUI. We were faced with the news that our doctor didn't think we would get pregnant without doing IVF. We are currently doing one last cycle while we have full insurance coverage just as a last ditch effort without any expectations. We decided to contact an acquaintance that we knew had fostered and adopted through DHS through the state of Oregon. We wrote down a list of questions and ended up spending 45 minutes talking to her and feeling more embraced and like that was the path that was meant for us.
We are not interested in fostering at all. Right now the hurt from all of our failed fertility attempts, I just don't think we could handle the loss that comes with fostering. You are only a temporary placement, while I think foster parents are wonderful strong people that we need in this world, right now I don't think I’m cut out to be one. We are going straight for the adoption route and while we are waiting we are going to do something called Respite care. It's a break for foster parents. If they need to leave their foster child with someone for the weekend or the day or a set amount of time, we would take them. It's like when our God-daughters stay over or our nephews. We will love and care for them, like they are our own. We also know that it's is only for a certain amount of time, which helps to keep disappointments low. Respite care is also a great way to come in contact with newborns who may eventually be put up for adoption down the line.
We called the 1-800 number the next day and asked for an informational packet in the mail. With it came the contact information for our case worker Sarah. I called her and she sent us our preliminary application and background check forms. We filled them out in a day, and had our fingerprint appointment scheduled for Monday the next business day. I think Sarah was impressed (or annoyed) at my quick response. What can I say, I’m organized and on the ball. Sarah will be sending out packets to our four references we listed to ask them preliminary questions about: Our marriage, if they think we would be good parents, and a list of other deep questions to try and get a better picture of us as people from the outside looking in.
As of right now we are waiting for our background check paperwork, and our fingerprints to come back clean. Then she will send out our second packet of paperwork. This will be our biography and essay questions. They will help her form the questions she will ask us when it comes time for our interviews and home study. We are currently on a waiting list, which Sarah told us would probably be about six months before our name's came out on top. Then we go through a three month process of interviews together, and separate, a look at our home and our environment. 18 hours of training classes. Before we can be approved. If we are we are eligible to adopt and will be given a website of all of Oregon's waiting children. If we see one we are interested in they will send our home study packet to their case worker for approval.
Sarah said all in all, it could be 1 to 3 years before we actually find a child to adopt and bring home. Right now we are doing everything we can, and prepared to be patient and know that our Child is out there somewhere.
Infertility has its own battle inside of me, of weather or not God wants me to be a parent, why can't I have children? Yet, all of these other seemingly unfit people can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Now I need to write a bio and a "letter" showing us off as a couple and a family waiting for someone to think that we are worthy of their baby. Not to mention the price tag of 20+ grand, which at this time in our lives is an impossible number. To us 20grand is almost two years of house payments and two years of me being able to stay home full time and raise our kids instead of having them in daycare. Just to get our baby..... Overwhelmed is an understatement.
After two more failed cycles of injections and IUI. We were faced with the news that our doctor didn't think we would get pregnant without doing IVF. We are currently doing one last cycle while we have full insurance coverage just as a last ditch effort without any expectations. We decided to contact an acquaintance that we knew had fostered and adopted through DHS through the state of Oregon. We wrote down a list of questions and ended up spending 45 minutes talking to her and feeling more embraced and like that was the path that was meant for us.
We are not interested in fostering at all. Right now the hurt from all of our failed fertility attempts, I just don't think we could handle the loss that comes with fostering. You are only a temporary placement, while I think foster parents are wonderful strong people that we need in this world, right now I don't think I’m cut out to be one. We are going straight for the adoption route and while we are waiting we are going to do something called Respite care. It's a break for foster parents. If they need to leave their foster child with someone for the weekend or the day or a set amount of time, we would take them. It's like when our God-daughters stay over or our nephews. We will love and care for them, like they are our own. We also know that it's is only for a certain amount of time, which helps to keep disappointments low. Respite care is also a great way to come in contact with newborns who may eventually be put up for adoption down the line.
We called the 1-800 number the next day and asked for an informational packet in the mail. With it came the contact information for our case worker Sarah. I called her and she sent us our preliminary application and background check forms. We filled them out in a day, and had our fingerprint appointment scheduled for Monday the next business day. I think Sarah was impressed (or annoyed) at my quick response. What can I say, I’m organized and on the ball. Sarah will be sending out packets to our four references we listed to ask them preliminary questions about: Our marriage, if they think we would be good parents, and a list of other deep questions to try and get a better picture of us as people from the outside looking in.
As of right now we are waiting for our background check paperwork, and our fingerprints to come back clean. Then she will send out our second packet of paperwork. This will be our biography and essay questions. They will help her form the questions she will ask us when it comes time for our interviews and home study. We are currently on a waiting list, which Sarah told us would probably be about six months before our name's came out on top. Then we go through a three month process of interviews together, and separate, a look at our home and our environment. 18 hours of training classes. Before we can be approved. If we are we are eligible to adopt and will be given a website of all of Oregon's waiting children. If we see one we are interested in they will send our home study packet to their case worker for approval.
Sarah said all in all, it could be 1 to 3 years before we actually find a child to adopt and bring home. Right now we are doing everything we can, and prepared to be patient and know that our Child is out there somewhere.
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